-Kripa Sigdel
I was trying to write something related to psychology since few days. But my wish to type ideas into computer seems to be blocked every time I sit to do so. Sometimes I used to not know about the topic and sometimes my mind started to wonder and jumped in other thing. And, this experience made me realize about my psychological condition and it said I am having separation anxiety!
Yes, same Separation anxiety which is defined by Google as ‘anxiety provoked in a young child by separation or the threat of separation from its mother or main care-giver’.
We do know, children go through this experience in many instances, say it in their first day of school or say it when their father left for the another country for job. Its a normal reaction or psychological condition in developmental stage. But confusing part for me is-is this experience experienced by adults also???
Analysing about my own experience and reading few articles from google made me realize this is the experience anyone, regardless of their age, can experience when they have to be separated with the things which they are habituated to be with.
So, next time, if your mind wanders or you find yourself memorizing and thinking about that one person who is leaving soon; if you are reluctant to do or anything else; you cannot fall asleep properly or you being emotionally disabled thinking about one particular reason, do not forget to consider the feeling as ‘Separation Anxiety’. Because Separation anxiety is not only felt by children, but adults also can go through this condition.
The feeling of separation from the loved ones with whom you are living since forever can be exhausting. It can ruin your daily life and can tear your routine apart. It can increase irritation and dis-functioning. And even, if you keep on being anxious about separation, it can be more problematic and dysfunction your psychological and physical health as well.
In 21 st century, its normal for our our loved ones, sibling, best friends or relatives to leave us to follow their dreams. But Its never easy to say Good Bye and this can lead us to separation anxiety. So rather than worsening this psychological condition, try to understand it and overcome.
Here, I want to share few things that we can do, to lessen the separation anxiety timely (before it changes into serious psychological condition).
1) Analyse the reason for separation and see it rationally:
If you can see the positive thing in the separation, it can help you to see the separation rationally. If you can take the separation as part of life, it can help you to get over it faster than you think.
2) Learn coping skills:
This can be helpful when you are too occupied by separation anxiety. If you keep on thinking about same person again and again, the situation will worsen. So, learn coping skills, like divert mind with hanging out with friends, visiting new places, start writing or watching movies. Start learning habit that will break free your anxiety.
Start learning new skills and do what you enjoy.
3) Keep yourself Busy:
Keeping busy when you are feeling anxious is not simple task. But try keeping yourself occupied, it can be helpful and help to minimize the miss.
4) Do not run from the loved one:
You want to get over separation anxiety, understandable! But try to talk to the loved one time and again after they leave. Keeping in touch time and again can help to minimize separation anxiety. In this era of social media, skype and google hangout, if you keep in touch with the loved one who is far from you, it will be much easier and helpful to overcome in the initial stage of separation of anxiety. Also, it’s not easier one the other side aswell. Your loved one also miss you exactly like you do. So do not run from them, rather cherish the moment and try to be your best next time you meet. You will have whole lot of story to share and experience together.
5) Practice being Apart:
It sounds funny to hear- practice being apart. But if you are into somebody whom you love so much but he or she is sure to be apart later in life, practice living apart from them for few days in every now and then. If you do not practice this before, leaving them for longer time abruptly will leave strong psychological impact which can lead to serious separation anxiety. Its not bad to practice being apart.
6) Leave Reminder Message:
Like I said in no. 4, its not easier on the other side as well. Your loved one also miss you so much. But since your attachment style and personality might be different which made you go through separation anxiety more. So remember to leave reminder message and surprises to them time and again. It not only help your loved one but internally satisfy you and help you to be more connected with them. Leaving ‘’I miss you’’ or ‘’I love you’’ message time and again satisfy your attachment to them and make your believe you both are still close and still are the same like when you were staying together. Share what you did in daily life, share other beautiful life experiences. This will make your be more closer in spite of being far as well and this can help to lessen the separation anxiety in good extent..
Research has found that significantly more women than men suffer from adult separation anxiety disorder. And, if the onset of this psychological condition lasts for more than 4 weeks, then its time to seek help from the professional. Also, the research has found that separation anxiety is based on an individual’s personality and attachment style.
Separation anxiety can be bad experience to go through; but if you do few tactics and control your anxiety, its worth the change which you see when you meet your loved one next time.
ITS NEVER EASY TO SAY GOOD BYE. But remember, GOOD-BYE is just the end of one era; a new beautiful era has just begun.
(Writer is the founder and executive director of Psychbigyaan Network Nepal. Her brother is leaving for his higher studies in a week and the article is the outcome of separation anxiety she is going through because of that. 🙂 )
