By: Kripa Sigdel
‘’Almost everyone I know is getting Married or getting pregnant or having kids. I am just getting more Awesome 😉 😛 #cp ‘’ -Some months back my 24 year old friend posted this status on her birthday. ‘What’s the problem with these neighbors, DAMN IT! I am just in my college and they are planning what to wear for my wedding :/’’ -My another friend who is in her 20s wrote 2 weeks back. ‘Happiness is when your mother plans for ur career instead of ur wedding dress. I Love you Mom. You encourage me to keep my head up when the world wants me to step back.’’ –My another facebook friend who is in her late 20s wrote last week.
All of these 3 status were the voices which I (and almost all the girls) get sometimes being a girl. With these status, PSYCHOLOGIST insides me, poped her head up and tried to analyze what could be the PSYCHOLOGY Behind MARRIAGE then. What could be the reason behind the parents forcing their daughter to go away earlier (in comparison to their son)? Don’t they love their daughter enough to keep her in her home for longer? Or don’t they believe in girls who can also pursue the dreams and can decide the important decisions of life? You got to be 20 Plus and got to be out of college, then that will be the time when your family (if not they), your relatives (for sure) start planning for your wedding….
What could be the reason behind it?
1) Don’t they afford to keep their daughter till she wants?
2) Don’t they believe her daughter can decide when to marry and when not to?
3) Or, Because of social pressure they get? I cannot answer it properly. I may not be the right person to analyze these reasons. So, I tried to talk to my mother (who is also one of my closest friend) and try hearing my relatives more, on this matter. And, I found out that :-
1) Parents think that after mid 20s of their daughter, they think it will be difficult to find the groom. My concern:- Really? Does that mean they believe marrying means ‘’marrying youthful beauty’’? Here her position in the society, her ambitious, career do not have any importance?
2) I noticed that, Parents are socially pressurized to give away her daughter in the earlier age. My Concern: Seriously? Who is important to you? That Society who makes noises all the time (no matter what you do) or your daughter who might have own life plans and career motives to fulfill??
3) I found that most of the parents want to have their daughter settled down in life. And they think a good, career focused husband can provide her this stable settlement. My concern:- What if he is alcoholic or have serious other problems? Will you able to see your daughter be in problem for her entire life? Or you want your daughter to be independent so that no matter how rich or poor her husband is, she will be good enough to bring her life in track??
4) Another reason, i heard from one of my relatives, is that ‘Daughters are meant to marry’’. My concern:- I agree. Having company, having somebody by side in every ups and downs (in the form of husband) is good. But, is it good to let you daughter marry forcefully without her consent? How good it is to make her marry somebody whom she barely saw for few weeks? Don’t you think, when and whom to marry is the decision that every girl should have right to make?
5) I also heard somebody saying ‘’More you keep your daughter at home, more you should be responsible for the wrong thing she does’’ My concern:- Huh? Give her good culture, good belief and good education. She will be able to decide what is right and wrong for herself. Just because of hypothetical reasoning (which has high chance of not happening), do family need to force to marry in the earliest age?? These are the few reasons i realized after knowing the superficial psychology of family and society. I am not against of Marriage. The idea of marrying somebody gives me smile. How wonderful life would be diving the sadness and amplifying happiness with someone. But My problem is with all those family or relatives or society who pressurize daughter for marriage without her consent. Let her live her life. Let her fall and stand up. Give her all the culture and good beliefs so that she will be able to make proper decisions for herself. Let her settle down first before letting her settle down with life.